Happy Turkey Day!

Even though it was yesterday. I was spending the day with my super amazing family since I haven’t seen them all together since Easter. We had a great time though, and no one died, which is always a plus. I think it helped that my mom and I drank pretty consistently, we never got drunk but we were always almost buzzed. Did you know whipped cream vodka is delicious in gingerbread lattes from Starbucks? Yeah, me either until yesterday. After we ate I went back to the hotel with them and then my mom and I ditched the boys to go to the bar to see what kind of losers are there on Thanksgiving. Mostly my friends. She only had one beer with me and then went back to the room. I had four and then stumbled back. At midnight we decided to go to Walmart. Well, see, my parents are small town folk. They love living in the country. Walmart on Black Friday in the city is just not their cup of tea. They were literally rioting over vacuum cleaners. VACUUM CLEANERS. Who the fuck needs a vacuum cleaner that badly? We were actually in and out of there in about 45 minutes though and no one sustained any major injuries thank God. They headed back home today after we all woke up though and I was sad to see them go. Hopefully I get to see them on Christmas and it won’t be another 7 months.

I can barely walk, and I’m covered in bruises.

But damn, my birthday was fun. It took us a while to finally get moving thanks to being quite hungover from the night before but once we did shit went down! We started out at the Biker Bar where I got served a penis jello shot cake and got a lapdance and a special birthday shot. After a while there they wanted to close up so we headed to another bar the BFF used to work at and continued our drunken debauchery. I got up on the stripper pole and apparently, I’m pretty good at it. No one would believe it was my first time really doing it. I also got a lap dance from this drunk married woman. That was interesting. We then decided it was time to head on home and I was doing great until we went over a speed bump and that started a trail of puke all the way to our apartment. At least I got it out the window. I had three guys trying to get in my pants but only Couch Boy was able to. On a side note to that, he has spent the last 3 nights here and last night was a sober night. I think something might be happening with us. I know he hasn’t seen Couch Girl lately, so maybe he gave that up for me finally?

I literally ended up under a chair.

A lot of drama has been going in our house the past few days (arrests, cops, etc, etc…) and so last night we decided to get so fucked up we couldn’t remember. The last time I did this I ended up fainting and convulsing. Last night I didn’t convulse but I did faint again. I was sitting in a chair and the next thing I knew I was laid out on the rain soaked carpet looking up at the chair I was just sitting on. Classy right? The carpet did feel fantastic though. With my 21st birthday rapidly approaching I’m worried that this is going to be an issue though. How can I quit partying before I’m even able to party? I personally feel like the best approach would to be just drink my face off every night until I’m no longer fainting but I think my brain might get a little mad being so oxygen deprived.

I got tired of Taco Bell…

I can actually cook even though I hardly do. There’s something depressing about cooking and eating by yourself, kinda like drinking by yourself so I don’t normally do it. Tonight though one of the roommates was going to be home so I made this… well kinda this… I don’t remember what all I put in it.

Italian Pot Roast

1 London Broil

1 Bottle of sun dried tomato vinaigrette (or any other Italian style dressing)

1 Jar of pesto (one of the spaghetti sauce companies makes it… I don’t remember the name)

Dash of ginger

Whatever else you find you want to put in… I put in this stuff called Salad Jazz that I found at Wal-Mart ages ago and never used

1 Cup of water to cut the olive oil (I put in about two cups but it was almost too watery so one cup should be perfect)

Put it all in a Crock Pot and set on low. I put mine in about noon and ate it around 8:30. I also found these really good parsley garlic noodles at Big Lots that were perfect with it but regular noodles would be good too. I also made corn but thats because I really like corn. I’m not going to say this was one of the best things I’ve ever made because I normally say that about everything but it was really damn good and something I would definitely make again especially since there’s a good chance it would turn out different.

Lock Up Your Boyfriend

Apparently I give off an air of wanting to fuck other people’s boyfriends. A few weeks after moving in the new apartment the BFF drunkenly told her boyfriend he was in the wrong bed and he should go to mine. He and I laughed it off and never mentioned it to her again. Mostly because she was drunk. We do spend a lot of time together, but shit, we work together and live together. Our schedules are really similar, not to mention he has become one of my closest friends. This weekend however it was the other roommate accusing me of wanting to sleep with her man. She and I didn’t really know each other well before we moved in together and to be perfectly honest, we still don’t. I’m trying though, I spend as much time as I can with her and we talk about what is going on in our lives presently but that’s about it. The other night she went to pick up the guy she’s been seeing to bring him back to the apartment and she sent me a whopper of a text, “be honest do u wanna fuck *****? im not gonna be mad”. Um, NO. She said it was because I was always asking about him and asking if he was coming over. I ask about him to make conversation and I ask if he’s coming over to know who the hell is going to be in my apartment. I ask the BFF’s BF if his friend is coming over all the time and he’s there almost nightly. Do I want to fuck him? Absolutely not. Anyways, I reassured her I wanted nothing more than for her to be happy and I thought things were fine until today. I was busy all day and when I finally got to my phone I had a text that just said “is this navy?” from a strange number. Since the strange number knew I had been in the Navy I figured it was someone I knew and when I replied asking who it was they just said “i want ur body”. Classy right? I finally figured out who it was, my roommate’s very best guy friend who she may or may not have a thing with depending on the day. Turns out she gave him my number in an effort to hook us up. I may be going through a dry spell but that doesn’t mean I want to be hooked up with someone who has history with someone I care about. I think I’m just going to have a talk with her to figure out what gives. Speaking of my dry spell, I’m seeing Engineer Boy next week. Maybe it will shed some light on Engineer Boy vs. Navy Boy.

Twenty Things.

1. I generally like animals more than people.

2. I used to have to sneak shoes I bought past my mom because she forbade me to buy any more.

3. I am a gigantic pothead, I love weed more than alcohol.

4. I still love alcohol though.

5. I could make more money at a different job but I like it, even if some days I claim to hate it.

6. I can cook really, really well.

7. I’m trying to write a novel.

8. I’m pretty much a total nympho but I haven’t gotten much lately.

9. Country music is my favorite. I love any song that tells a story though.

10. I’m in love with two different people for two different reasons.

11. I love hot weather but have to be cold to sleep.

12. I can decorate the shit out of any space.

13. I never know whether to say it’s a disease or a condition. Either way, fuck fibro.

14. My biggest regret is that I couldn’t pass bootcamp and be in the Navy right now.

15. Every plant I buy or plant ends up dying. I’ve never had a green thumb.

16. The best compliment I’ve ever gotten was “You look just like Audrey Hepburn!” She probably doesn’t remember me but I will always remember her.

17. Probably the most fun I’ve had with my mom was the afternoon at the nude beach in St. Maarten.

18. I own more LSU paraphernalia than any other brand of clothing. I even have a LSU Snuggie.

19. I don’t have cable, but I do have a lot of movies.

20. I like watching shit blow up more than the average girl, I hate wrecking cars in NASCAR though.

Is there AA for buying shoes?

I got my state tax return today, so I did what any irresponsible person would do, pretended it never existed and shopped. The best friend and I indulged in some much needed girl time and shopped our way around our favorite town. After we lost our hangovers and woke up. Last night we had the biggest party we’ve had at our new apartment yet and I got HAMMERED. I seriously haven’t been that drunk since I stumbled my away around St. Maarten. And that’s the day I went to the nude beach with my mom. The last thing I remember about last night was taking one shot of sour apple Burnette’s. I apparently took two. And then fell. I woke up this morning still drunk and when I looked down still clothed. My roommate dropped me into bed, pulled the covers up to my knees, and threw the dogs in with me. So as you can tell, in order to fully recover, shopping was needed. I bought two pairs of pink wedges, but they’re totally different, I swear, and two pairs of flip flops. One pair is Patron and one pair is Corona. And while both are alcohol, both are completely different. I got a pair of Rock and Republic jeans for $38. I got a pair of Citizens of Humanity for $21. I also got a bunch of tops, but none are so exciting that I have to share. And now, I have to go hang all this shit up.

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