Happy Turkey Day!

Even though it was yesterday. I was spending the day with my super amazing family since I haven’t seen them all together since Easter. We had a great time though, and no one died, which is always a plus. I think it helped that my mom and I drank pretty consistently, we never got drunk but we were always almost buzzed. Did you know whipped cream vodka is delicious in gingerbread lattes from Starbucks? Yeah, me either until yesterday. After we ate I went back to the hotel with them and then my mom and I ditched the boys to go to the bar to see what kind of losers are there on Thanksgiving. Mostly my friends. She only had one beer with me and then went back to the room. I had four and then stumbled back. At midnight we decided to go to Walmart. Well, see, my parents are small town folk. They love living in the country. Walmart on Black Friday in the city is just not their cup of tea. They were literally rioting over vacuum cleaners. VACUUM CLEANERS. Who the fuck needs a vacuum cleaner that badly? We were actually in and out of there in about 45 minutes though and no one sustained any major injuries thank God. They headed back home today after we all woke up though and I was sad to see them go. Hopefully I get to see them on Christmas and it won’t be another 7 months.

I am so classy.

So I’m thinking about quitting at the naughty store. My boss is an evil bipolar bitch who will throw anyone under the bus to try and save her ass. Thursday she told me that I would have to work the day before Thanksgiving for 3 hours while my family was in town. My family who I haven’t seen all together in 7 months. Needless to say, I needed a drink. And bad. I called up to the bar and asked the bartender if there was anyone there who could give me a ride since my car is all fubared. The only person who could come and get me was the guy in the Army I slept with a few times. Talk about an awkward car ride. He left after a couple of hours and I turned my sights to the cute guy at the end of the bar. Fast forward to closing time. I’m hammered, he’s hammered, we’re making out, I don’t even really know his name. So we did what anyone else would do, we got a hotel room. It was pretty amazing. Like, definitely going on my top 5. The best part? He’s not even from here so when I woke up he was already gone to work.

It’s been a hot minute…

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, not that I have any loyal followers or anything. Let’s see, where to start? I’m working at the naughty store, and that’s going well and is fun. I’m not waitressing but I am bartending at a shitty dive bar, but it’s a fun dive bar and I make good money there. My car blew up and I am now biking everywhere because I’m a gangster like that. As far as dudes go, Couch Boy is completely over for good. He was STILL fucking her. After him I was hooking up with this guy in the Army for a few weeks and now I’m hanging out with this guy from Florida who is going back soon. Yeah, that about sums up life at the moment. Today is my 1 year of being out of the Navy. Some bad ass military planes flew over our apartment today and I started crying. That was fun. I will try to update more from now on, promise.

I can barely walk, and I’m covered in bruises.

But damn, my birthday was fun. It took us a while to finally get moving thanks to being quite hungover from the night before but once we did shit went down! We started out at the Biker Bar where I got served a penis jello shot cake and got a lapdance and a special birthday shot. After a while there they wanted to close up so we headed to another bar the BFF used to work at and continued our drunken debauchery. I got up on the stripper pole and apparently, I’m pretty good at it. No one would believe it was my first time really doing it. I also got a lap dance from this drunk married woman. That was interesting. We then decided it was time to head on home and I was doing great until we went over a speed bump and that started a trail of puke all the way to our apartment. At least I got it out the window. I had three guys trying to get in my pants but only Couch Boy was able to. On a side note to that, he has spent the last 3 nights here and last night was a sober night. I think something might be happening with us. I know he hasn’t seen Couch Girl lately, so maybe he gave that up for me finally?

Oops, I did it again…

I slept with Couch Boy again. Once drunk and once sober. The worst part? I think I might actually like him. He’s funny, attentive, smart, and great in bed. He’s already texted me today saying he was thinking about me. I don’t know what to do or think. I don’t even know if he’s still regularly sleeping with his fuck buddy. We do have plans to go play paintball the next time it rains. There is nothing more exhilarating than shooting the shit out of someone while you’re rolling around in mud (see, I TOLD you I was in the military). And when you’re done you can take a hot shower together and laugh at each other’s bruises. Not that I’ve done that before or anything…  He has also made plans to buy me a drink on my birthday already. If Navy Boy does happen to come things may get a little, umm, AWKWARD. But I haven’t talked to him in a week, I did call him last night before Couch Boy showed up and told him to call me today so maybe he will? Who knows with him.

My job kills my weekends.

I love my job. I really do. I’m a waitress at the easiest restaurant in the world. However, since I am in the food service industry I have no weekend. And it blows. I worked 9 hours today and yeah I could’ve gone out tonight. But who the hell wants to go out with their feet feeling like they’re on fire? How am I going to get any action when I can’t even go out anywhere? I did hear from the guy who I went on a date with on Tuesday. He’s been busy with his work. It’s even a joke at work how I don’t get laid. One guy told me to go out more, I said when? I need to find a guy in the same situation. One that would rather hang out on Monday nights than Saturday. Maybe I’ll post an ad on Craigslist. And try not to get murdered!

WHO DAT?!

It’s no secret. I LOVE the Saints. Like, LOVE LOVE LOVE. I’m originally from Louisiana and even have a fleur-de-lis tattoo with the Mardi Gras colors, no it’s not just “the Saint’s logo” creepy dude from my freshman English class. I also want to have Reggie Bush’s babies. Kim K can kiss my ass, he’s mine all mine. I have been wearing a shit eating grin all night and talking some massive shit to any Colts fan. But as someone at the bar I went to pointed out, Colts stands for Count On Losing The Superbowl. I had to work most of the game, but it’s ok because they had a projection screen and I got to stand in the back of the room and get paid to do almost nothing. Right before the last quarter my manager told me to go ahead and leave so I did. I went to the bar my roommate works at since she’s been trying to get me down there. Plus, there was a regular she wanted me to meet. I think I might be going there more often. He was adorable and might be worth getting to know. Anyways, two guys came in, one I knew one I didn’t. The one I know has possibly the most annoying voice in the history of the world and he loves to hear himself talk. They sat in between me and the adorable dude I was trying to mack on and the annoying one was being a douche bag. And rubbing my back. Anyways, to make a long boring story short, THE SAINTS WON THE FUCKING SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!! WHO DAT WHO DAT?!!!