I am so classy.

So I’m thinking about quitting at the naughty store. My boss is an evil bipolar bitch who will throw anyone under the bus to try and save her ass. Thursday she told me that I would have to work the day before Thanksgiving for 3 hours while my family was in town. My family who I haven’t seen all together in 7 months. Needless to say, I needed a drink. And bad. I called up to the bar and asked the bartender if there was anyone there who could give me a ride since my car is all fubared. The only person who could come and get me was the guy in the Army I slept with a few times. Talk about an awkward car ride. He left after a couple of hours and I turned my sights to the cute guy at the end of the bar. Fast forward to closing time. I’m hammered, he’s hammered, we’re making out, I don’t even really know his name. So we did what anyone else would do, we got a hotel room. It was pretty amazing. Like, definitely going on my top 5. The best part? He’s not even from here so when I woke up he was already gone to work.

Free At Last…. (Kind Of)

So Florida Boy finally went home. I haven’t heard from him since he left and I probably won’t. I know I’m not going to try and talk to him even though he made me promise I would. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to waste my time on a guy who spent the last 2 weeks we were together texting some other girl that he talked mad shit about. That just screams scum to me. Navy Boy is also completely out of my life. I got really drunk the other night and called him demanding answers. He couldn’t give them to me. I told him, I’m not looking to be in a relationship with you right now but I need to know if I’m wasting my time pushing every guy away just so at the end of the day it’s me and you. Well I was wasting my time. I blocked him on Facebook and blocked his number. I would love to say I’m done with guys for a while and I’m just going to chill out but no of course not. There’s a cook at the restaurant next door to where I work that wants to take me on a date. I think I’m gonna take him up on it too.

I can barely walk, and I’m covered in bruises.

But damn, my birthday was fun. It took us a while to finally get moving thanks to being quite hungover from the night before but once we did shit went down! We started out at the Biker Bar where I got served a penis jello shot cake and got a lapdance and a special birthday shot. After a while there they wanted to close up so we headed to another bar the BFF used to work at and continued our drunken debauchery. I got up on the stripper pole and apparently, I’m pretty good at it. No one would believe it was my first time really doing it. I also got a lap dance from this drunk married woman. That was interesting. We then decided it was time to head on home and I was doing great until we went over a speed bump and that started a trail of puke all the way to our apartment. At least I got it out the window. I had three guys trying to get in my pants but only Couch Boy was able to. On a side note to that, he has spent the last 3 nights here and last night was a sober night. I think something might be happening with us. I know he hasn’t seen Couch Girl lately, so maybe he gave that up for me finally?

Bring on the good times and blackouts.

Tomorrow is FINALLY my 21st birthday. So long to the days of me driving everyone’s drunk ass around, so long to the days of everyone going out but me, and bring on the party. I’ve always been friends with people who are older than me which has its advantages and disadvantages. Advantage- I always have someone to buy me alcohol/share theirs with me, Dis- I can’t drink with them in public. Even in college all my friends worked at one bar but I couldn’t drink there. Ok, that’s a total lie, I found ways. But they technically wouldn’t serve me. I drank at all of their houses though, even the managers and bouncers. The bouncers used to draw the most ridiculous “X”s on my hands because they thought it was hilarious and then at the end of the night get me fucked up. But now, that is ALL OVER WITH. And I’m stoked.

Cue Dramatic Music.

So Navy Boy is home on leave. He came to see me before he went to his parents house. Things were pretty good. We of course slept together and he promised he would be back this weekend for my birthday. Everything I’ve wanted for months right? Weeeeellllll…. I got drunk last night and invited Couch Boy over. We had a big long heart to heart talk and somehow ended up naked. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I want Navy Boy to come anymore. Shit, I don’t even know if I want Couch Boy there either. Why does everything always have to be so damn complicated? I feel horrible about sleeping with CB again, but it’s not stopping me from being tempted to invite him over again tonight to just chill. That is if he’s not hanging out with whatshername.

Oh lawdy.

I’m pretty sure I can’t even tell you the details of last night. But let’s just put it this way, I got FUCKED up. And not just alcohol. So I did the most logical thing I could do ever, I started talking to Couch Boy. Mostly because I was freaking out about what a horrible person I am and needed someone to talk to. While I was talking to him though Couch Girl sent a message forgiving me while still telling me she wanted a legitimate relationship with Couch Boy. Needless to say, I freaked out on him and told him to never contact me again. I apologized this morning but he’s been trying to talk to me since then. Probably because I freaked him out. Oh well. I really need to stop getting drunk and taking very illegal substances. It makes me say things I shouldn’t to people I shouldn’t. Oh, and the best friend is sleeping with our new roommate, which I figured was happening but I didn’t know for sure until I heard them last night. Out with the old, in with the new I guess.

Oops, I did it again…

I slept with Couch Boy again. Once drunk and once sober. The worst part? I think I might actually like him. He’s funny, attentive, smart, and great in bed. He’s already texted me today saying he was thinking about me. I don’t know what to do or think. I don’t even know if he’s still regularly sleeping with his fuck buddy. We do have plans to go play paintball the next time it rains. There is nothing more exhilarating than shooting the shit out of someone while you’re rolling around in mud (see, I TOLD you I was in the military). And when you’re done you can take a hot shower together and laugh at each other’s bruises. Not that I’ve done that before or anything…  He has also made plans to buy me a drink on my birthday already. If Navy Boy does happen to come things may get a little, umm, AWKWARD. But I haven’t talked to him in a week, I did call him last night before Couch Boy showed up and told him to call me today so maybe he will? Who knows with him.

I can’t believe myself.

From Sunday night until yesterday morning I was drunk. Not the I’ve been drinking a few beers all day kind of drunk, no, more like the I’m going to pretend to give someone head and let that picture go on facebook kind of drunk. The last time I was continuously drunk like that was when my family went on a cruise last year. Oh, and also, I got laid. However, dude already has a pretty regular fuck buddy so I’m thinking it was a one time deal. Plus, I know her. Actually, the first time they slept together was in our house on our couch. I keep it so classy. It’s ok though because Engineer Boy is coming to see me soon and shortly after that Navy Boy will be here.

I literally ended up under a chair.

A lot of drama has been going in our house the past few days (arrests, cops, etc, etc…) and so last night we decided to get so fucked up we couldn’t remember. The last time I did this I ended up fainting and convulsing. Last night I didn’t convulse but I did faint again. I was sitting in a chair and the next thing I knew I was laid out on the rain soaked carpet looking up at the chair I was just sitting on. Classy right? The carpet did feel fantastic though. With my 21st birthday rapidly approaching I’m worried that this is going to be an issue though. How can I quit partying before I’m even able to party? I personally feel like the best approach would to be just drink my face off every night until I’m no longer fainting but I think my brain might get a little mad being so oxygen deprived.

What’s with the mind games?

Boys say girls are confusing, girls say boys are confusing. So which is it really? Why can’t both sexes just stop with the mind games. I think everyone would be a lot happier. Navy Boy and I haven’t really talked since he dropped his bombshell on me. He told me he would call me but never did. So I finally broke down and texted him (see, I’m totally guilty of the mind games) and then found out I was on speaker phone. I don’t do speaker phone especially when one of your Navy buddies is drunk and laughing hysterically and repeating everything I say. He told me he would call me back. Two days later he still hasn’t. Why after telling me you want to marry me would you just drop off the face of the earth? Navy Boy’s jedi mind tricks have nothing on Engineer Boy though. I haven’t had any contact with him since the day after I saw him. None. Not even a drunk text. He’s supposed to be in town soon and I’m wondering if he’ll try to come over. I can assure you for an absolute fact though that he won’t be. Guys confuse and irritate me. If you’re not interested let me know straight up. Don’t string me along. Don’t tell me you want to marry me and then drop off the planet. Don’t beg me to come see you then don’t talk to me for a month. I’m totally drinking tonight until both of these two are off my mind. I’m turning off my phone and sober me is going to hide it from drunk me.